Although “No” can be a complete sentence, those two simple letters can often feel especially daunting to speak. Saying “Yes” to every possibility and opportunity that crosses our paths can feel liberating, but for many of us, it’s our “Nos” that are much more sacred.
Saying “no” allows us to identify healthy boundaries, and it establishes finite limits on our time and our talents.
This short, yet deceptively powerful word gives us permission to be authentic and intentional with our decisions and to live life on our own terms. What would you like to start saying “no” to today? See the 5 tips below, and start practicing saying no like you mean it.
1. Don’t Be at the Mercy of the Moment
Buy yourself time! Sometimes we are caught off guard by someone’s requests or demands, and it’s not uncommon for us to default to saying, “yes,” before we fully realize what we have agreed to do. Whether we feel internal or external pressure to immediately agree to a request, sometimes we just need to take a moment to think. Instead of saying, “yes” as a kneejerk reaction, try saying, “Let me take a moment to think about it, and I’ll definitely get back to you by tomorrow.”
2. Be Assertive and Respectful
Don’t beat around the bush or say that you’re unsure if you’re available. Express regret if it’s authentic and admit your inability to comply. You might say, “Unfortunately, I’m stretched far too thin right now, but I will let you know if and when I can.” Provide a brief explanation if you feel you need to, but otherwise, don’t feel compelled to do so. The less you say, the better.
3. Scripting
Write down the message you want to convey ahead of time. It can often be hard to put our feelings into words and express them clearly and confidently, especially when we may not have much experience setting boundaries or saying, “no.” This technique allows you to prepare exactly what you want to say in advance.
4. Provide Options
Sometimes we’re not able to do something, but we might have other suggestions. If you’re not comfortable going to a friend’s big birthday party, decline the invitation and offer to take them out to lunch or send them a thoughtful gift. Be creative and solution-focused. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want to do, providing options allows you to choose what you’re willing to do.
5. Hold Yourself Accountable
Be intentional with your words. Make sure that you truly commit to your “Nos” and the boundaries they set. Failing to practice self-accountability is the act of breaking a promise to yourself. If we expect people to respect our boundaries, we must recognize our responsibility to show up for ourselves first.